Mark Clattenburg Cleared of Being a Jerk

Well, no, not really. He’s still kind of a jerk.

But the Premier League has decided he won’t be punished for saying this horrible, horrible thing to Southampton captain Adam Lallana during their recent 2-1 defeat at Everton:

“You’re very different now you’ve played for England. You never used to be like this.”



Really, Southampton? Really?! You lodge a complaint with the Premier League because your captain got his wee feelings hurt over that?!

This little lamb wouldn’t last five minutes playing board games with my friends and I.

But not only are Southampton throwing a fit over this, they’re so upset that the Premier League ignored their tantrum that they don’t think Clattenburg should be allowed to referee their matches until … their delicate little flower gets over his hurt feelings, I guess?

An official insulting any player, no matter his intentions, is clearly not acceptable behaviour,” spokesman Jordan Sibley said. “For this reason, we do not accept the verdict in relation to this case and do not consider the matter to be over.

Under the circumstances, we do not feel it appropriate for Mr Clattenburg to officiate in any of our matches until this matter is properly resolved.


This is so stupid it can’t actually be true, Jenna, you say? Oh, yes.

It is.


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